A Song for Mama

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms! Even though every day should be mother’s day, or father’s day, etc, it’s a good thing that we have one special day for that one person who brought us into this world by birth. I wish I could be with my mom on this day, but I know I will be there soon enough to spend quality time with her. I just wanted to thank her for everything she has done for me, whether I’m home, or in Afghanistan. She has taught me so much. Sometimes she doesn’t even have to say anything. I just take after her actions and understand why she does what she does. If anyone supported me the most, it would be her. I don’t know where I would be without her and her unconditional love.

“You’re the driving force in my life.” I am so grateful for you and I love you so much. Thank you.

Haha.. I’m sorry mom for not hanging up my towel and clothes when I was younger. I always did that, and I know you hated it. Now thanks to you, I’m the neatest freak of them all. I love you.

Easter Post!

Happy Easter everyone! Went to church today–felt really good to renew my baptism vow. I always went to church on Easter Day with the family, but no matter how much I tried not to, I always day dream when I’m in church. Here in Afghanistan, they have catholic mass every Sunday which is pretty cool. No matter what rank, it’s just like going to every other church, as it should be. I’m just saying, going into church with a bunch of Colonel’s and Sergeants Major at first is kind of intimidating just because of the rank structure. But it’s church; it shouldn’t be. The priest, who is also a Soldier, is pretty good with his preaching after the Gospel. He keeps my attention and I learn a lot in that short amount of time. When I’m there, I actually feel some of the stress I deal with here lift off of my shoulders and feel a little bit more refreshed when I get out. People asked me what I gave up for Lent. lmao… I gave up Dr. Pepper. But hey! I did it! and when I got off mission last night, we went to midnight chow and at 12:00 AM I drank one. MAN. Dr. Pepper never tasted so good.

Went to get my weekly haircut and a coffee from the 24 hour coffee shop that’s right next door. They call it the Starbucks of Salerno, which it’s really called Green Beans. It’s not bad. After that, just did a little work at the office–typical Sunday. Oh.. and I just whooped my platoon sergeant at nba2k11. KILT EM.

Weeks are going by pretty fast here. Staying busy is key obviously. Every time I find myself on FaceBook or something, time goes by a little slower because I’m trying to find out what everyone else is up to. Then I’m like, “Damn… I can’t wait to go home.” It’s coming up, though!

I’m super excited though, I should be out of credit card debt next month. lmao–I was so bad for the past couple of years, getting this off my chest will feel so great. I’m also saving $1000 a month until I go home and all that will go towards my car when I go home. It’ll feel good to have no car payment. More investing, and more saving for my future. My reward after deployment is going to be huge though. Haha, I’m already making a checklist of things that I want, without going back into debt obviously.

Anyways, I hope everyone is doing well. Have a blessed day, week, month, year, etc. Keep praying. God is great. Time to get some rest!

OH! And good luck to my team Meccamee at Ultimate Brawl this weekend! You guys are gonna rip! Miss you guys like crazy.

Day 103.

We hit day 100 last week. I wanted to write up a post about the first 100 days I’ve been here. It’s kind of crazy to think I’ve been here for that long already. Time has been flying by for the most part, but it does have its dragging days and weeks. Staying busy has played an important factor for me out here, and I’m happy that I’ve been able to almost every day. Whether it be going on long missions, working on getting my vehicles squared away, or taking care of my Soldiers somehow, it has most definitely made the time breeze by. It’s already April 2011! Mid-April at that. I got my acoustic guitar the other week and I haven’t been able to practice as much as I’ve wanted to, which I already knew was going to happen, but day by day I’m learning new things to play and working on getting the technique. I still wish I had a piano to play instead. I find out in a couple of weeks if I get accepted into the Psychological Operations branch of the Army. They are holding the board next week, and I should find out soon thereafter via email. That’ll be worth a post, so stay tuned for that. If I don’t make it, hey–it’s all good. I can move onto the next best thing. Still have a lot on my plate that I want to accomplish, and a lot that I want to start. It’s hard finding the energy to get into it because I know there is so much more that I should be doing that is related to work. Always on the grind, trying to plan and prepare for the next days’ patrols. With everything that’s going on out here, it’s hard to pinpoint whether or not we’ve actually made an impact over here in Afghanistan. This country is so large and so “messed up” for its size. I can’t believe how corrupt it is here… I always wonder why we are fighting for something that may never be achieved, yet we are still fighting as hard as we can. I know it comes with the job, but the satisfaction with anything comes with the positive progress that results. Sure, my battery alone has cut down attacks to the base by over a large percentage, but they are still attacking. And really, that’s the bottom line up front. I got a message on FaceBook from some random dude who supposedly used to work for the Taliban government. He started saying how Islam was the way to go and that anyone who was against Islam was going to die. Ignorance, man. How do you make these people realize that there are a bunch of religions out there that conflict with each other? Believe in what you want to believe in. But just because someone doesn’t agree with you, doesn’t mean you kill them. I’m sure our country along with other countries have experienced this situation, but damn. Don’t they know that there are more important things to worry about, like the Lakers winning the finals?! I mean, I’m only half joking with my mixed sarcasm/sense of humor but people are just crazy. It’s more frustrating than anything. I don’t think there will be an answer soon. Since there’s been existence, there has been war, or disagreement, or argument. I go on FaceBook, Twitter, and Tumblr, and I see all of the little petty things that people bitch about, and I just laugh about the how small stuff is that people worry about. But what do I do? I feed into it and join in because it’s part of the socializing norm. You try to relate stuff to others who might know how you feel. If everyone had to serve in my position, it would be a rewarding experience on an individual level at the least. They would be able to see a fourth world country fighting corruption at its best–it’s horrible. I give mad props to all of the service members who have served two, three, four, even five deployments. I’m finding it mentally challenging to complete this one. I told all of my friends that yeah, I was nervous but ready to come here, which was totally true. I think I’m doing what I came here to do, and I will keep doing it until I go home. The big overall picture or mission… it’s like giving you a 1,000,000-piece puzzle that you have to complete with a blindfold. Sooner or later there will be an answer, but it’s going to take such a long time to put things into place. We’ve already spent so much of the taxpayer’s money on this war. And then come the politics… I’m over it.

Lakers pissed me off today. But I like that I have a different topic such as basketball to lean on out here because it gets my mind off the present situation. There is a 5 on 5 basketball tournament on Sunday that I might take part in. People keep asking me to play so hopefully I have a free day that day to play a little. In other notes, I miss home. I miss my family and friends. I miss dancing and being with Meccamee. I know I’ll see them soon. Even before I commissioned as an officer in the Army, I always questioned whether I wanted to stay in the National Guard and stay close to home, or go Active Duty and do work; experience the outside and grow up on my own. I’ve experienced a lot on my own already, but still to this day, I would rather be on my own back home. A little over two months from now I’ll be back home for a bit, and I’m going to make the most of it.

In any case, like it has always been said, “Stay positive.” It’s hard, but that’s the only way people get through tough times. I’m doing my best to make the time I have here worth every single moment. If you’re reading this, send me snacks! I don’t care what it is, haha, but it feels good to get mail nonetheless. If you need the address, hit me up on FaceBook or jayyarea@gmail.com.

Everyone stay safe.

And Boom Went the Dynamite.

I think I’m still in shock. I’ve been training for moments like these for the first few years of my military career. And there it went… my platoon gets hit with an IED (improvised explosive device). Before anyone says anything, everyone is safe and everyone is okay. But don’t get it twisted, this was NO joke. Like I said, I’m still a bit shaken up. We were just riding back to the base in our vehicles, and I hear this huge explosion and asked my driver if it was us. We look back and the last vehicle in my convoy is disabled. I’m not really allowed to say specifics, but in that moment, I just froze and didn’t really know what to do. My mind was going 100mph but my body was still and didn’t want to move. I didn’t know who was okay. The blast was so big that my vehicle felt the forward movement. My guys are okay though–I just couldn’t imagine what they were going through at that exact moment. That shit was specifically planted for me and my guys. As I sit and think about it more and more it makes me so angry that those damn bastards were watching my convoy as we passed by and detonated the IED and hurt my guys. I walked around wanting to do something very terrible to somebody. Obviously I didn’t and wasn’t going to, but it was a type of anger that I had never felt before. You start to think that everyone in this country is a damn terrorist, and you want to eliminate them. I know that’s not the truth but as you can see, it messes with your head. How dare you try and hurt one of my guys, because it’s on now. I’m getting all my guys back safe, but I am for damn sure going to hunt down the individuals who did this. I know torture is not the American way. But. Let’s just hope it’s my anger talking. Boy am I gonna piss them off–it’s going to be fun and I’m going to enjoy every single second doing it.

Have to be thankful for who you have. They could be gone in the slightest second. It doesn’t get any more real than this.

Food for Thought: Working Hard

I wake up every day with the ultimate goal of improving myself by the end of the day, even if it’s just a little bit. Whether it be physically, emotionally, academically, spiritually, or a combination of all, just a little bit adds to much more in the end. I don’t know if I was raised to be like this or if it’s just nature at hand, but I know I’ve come to many road blocks to this goal of mine. At the end of the day, like today, I kind of feel like I haven’t reached that “little bit” that I’m searching for. It’s not really a statistic I could look back on, but more of a feeling that I think I need to reassure myself that I did something more than just productive today. Being productive will not always produce the results you want, but at least it would reassure you that you are working towards that finish line.

I run around all day feeling like a chicken with its head cut off, juggling different tasks, and trying to please people out the ass. When does it stop? It doesn’t, I guess. Success is exhaustion. I could step back, not work as hard as I do, not care as much as I do, and let everything fall to the weigh side–but I don’t. I work my ass off, and do my best in making sure everything that I am responsible for is straight side. However, when one thing is not good, not to standard, not to someone’s expectations, everything you’ve just done has just gone out the window. Maybe not an hour later, but that minute right when it happens, you ask yourself, “Why am I even doing this? Ungrateful.” Or that’s what I think. Then I forget, I forgot to put my thick skin on. Well oh man… my thick skin is shaving off quickly. It’s taking more effort and energy to keep my thick skin on and in result I fall into a deep state of stress and anger. And then, shit just rolls down hill. Do I work hard for nothing? Especially when we worry about the smallest things? I always take that step back and think, “Man–this is so stupid.” This in turn kills my mood and reminds me how much I’d rather be somewhere else than here.

I’m sure this isn’t just in the military, but most definitely in the civilian sector. Produce results, produce winning and lasting results–if not, you’re gone. I guess I can’t complain about the job security. What can I say… I just wanna be.. I just wanna be successful.

Felt like I had to complain/bitch about something; this was a good topic. Tomorrow is a new day; a new day to do work and make people happy. One thing is certain though.. the reason you look good is because I do the work to make you look good. In the end, I’ll get mine.

Aston Martin Music

Wassup everyone! It’s been a while… been really busy and it’s a good busy feeling. Just want to let everyone know that I’m doing fine out here and learning a lot–especially about the Afghani culture. I found out when I’m coming home for leave for two weeks! It’s going to be sometime in the summer. I can’t really put it out when exactly but some people already know. I’m posting as many pictures as my slow-ass internet would let me, but if you want to see what’s been going on with me and Afghanistan, the pictures are on facebook. I will say this… when stuff pops off, the adrenaline rush I get is unexplainable. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Excited, anxious, and still trying to stay calm to make sure you aren’t rushing into things… that’s when I think I really perform under pressure. I’m still embracing the fact that I am here to do something that way more than the majority of my peers will never, ever get the chance to do. LOVIN’ IT.

Mom sent me a package today with a bunch of tostitos and salsa… i’m good!!! Jane and Ellis sent me a package a couple weeks ago with some Korean candy and an LA Lakers shirt! Yeaaaaa son! I got so many haters here; I just can’t wait until they win the Finals this year. WHOO! Speaking of basketball, Blake Griffin is beast and yes, the West all day baby. All these trades with Carmelo, D-Will, etc., trying to make the East super huge. It doesn’t matter. Your “Tri-fecta’s” are going to work against the Lakers. You need a bench man. It’s going to be a great rest of the season nonetheless.

It keeps raining over here… that’s the only thing that I am despising at the moment. Everything gets all muddy and just miserable. But everything will clear up sooner or later. Anyway, I miss everyone back home and I can’t wait to see everyone in the summer. DO. WORK. SON.

Another Afghanistan Post.. +Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone! Of course it ain’t Valentine’s Day without a little bit of Afghani-love. Psyche. The way they celebrated Valentine’s Day on the FOB was to throw a Masquerade party.. haha, so the uniform was multi-cams with a black or red mask. WTF? Lame. They also had a “special” dinner with fried shrimp, turkey, and prime rib…. so basically what we have every Friday night. Lol, well I mean I guess they tried to make V-day special. It’s all good. I had another patrol today, which was interesting in itself. Actually, this one was kind of boring; HOWEVER,

We went to one of the villages we went to like last week, and one of the elders there had a purple sweater with some yellow stripes on the sleeves and on the bottom. So, I was like, “Hmm.. can it be?” I asked my interpreter to ask him if I could see what’s in the middle of his sweatshirt, and OH MY GOLLY. It was a retro Lakers sweater, and I was blown away. WHERE DID HE GET THAT?! THAT’S FRESH! Haha.. I mean, they all have that distinctive B.O. smell, and everyone is all dirty. But hey! It’s the Lakers! We had an interesting conversation about how that’s my favorite team back in the States and how big basketball is. The elder with rotten teeth smiled and he said that he was sorry that he destroyed it because that was his working sweater. I told him that it was all good, as long as he rocks it, ha! The sport that is huge here is Cricket and Soccer. Every kid knows what Cricket is and they’re really good at it. In any case, that made my day.

Tomorrow, I get to re-enlist one of my Soldiers on top of one of the highest mountains we’ve climbed here so far. At first we called it “Doc Mountain” because my highspeed medic asked me while we were on overwatch, “Hey sir, can I go climb that mountain and see what’s on the other side?” I said, “Sure man, do work.” That mountain was freaking high! And we were all smoked when we got up to the top. Tomorrow, we are going to spray paint it “RENEGADES” on the highest rock of the mountain. Renegades is the name of my platoon–the toughest SOBs here, son! It’s going to be a great feeling re-enlisting one of my squad leaders, SGT Jones, up there. I felt super proud when he asked me to read his oath. Just like all of my guys, he’s very hardworking and his willingness and dedication to the platoon is like no other.

Anyways, things up here are going smoothly so far. Trying to keep myself busy during my off-time by studying for the GMAT. Future plans for grad school are in my midst, and I need to make this goal a reality, soon. No time for relaxing. I hated school back then, but now I really want to get back into it so I can set myself up for success in the future. Positive vibes, baby. Doin’ work.