An Aimless Blog Entry

Thoughts.

I’m in that mood to do something and I just don’t know what. Usually at this time I’m just aimlessly exploring what the Internet has to offer. Unfortunately, my internet sucks so bad that I can’t even load google. You know it’s that damn slow when you can’t even load a search box. I’ve explored through the hundreds of movies that I have on my hard drive and can’t find one that I’m even close to being interested in. Although I haven’t seen all of them, I just need to do something. Listening to the new Drake album. I can’t say that I’m totally blown away with this one; I like it. We’ll leave it at that.

I’ll just type it out.

I’m less than one month from leaving this place. I’m excited to say the least but I know there’s so much to do before I even step back onto the plane back home. Shoot… it’s crazy to even think it’s already November 15^th.  My Soldiers try to act tough and the attitude is like, “it’s whatevers”.

I know these guys are excited and are wanting to be home just as much as I do. I had a dream the other night that one of my guys got shot on one of the last missions we had before it was time to go. One of my biggest fears since I’ve been here is having to face the parents or spouse of one of my Soldiers if one of them were to get killed, God forbid. I know it’s bad to think about but I am in a warzone. I’ve come to love this job, no matter how much I bitch about it on the backside. I think it’s because of the “joes”. My NCOs and my platoon sergeant have done an outstanding job keeping these guys grounded. It’s that time of the deployment, getting close to coming home, that the Soldiers start to slip away and that’s all they can think about. Sometimes I even feel myself slipping and not really “giving a fuck”. It’s the wrong answer. If I slip, what is that telling my guys? I’m so proud of them. Each of them has their own personality to add to the platoon and I am so thankful that I have had this chance to experience this whole leadership thing. I’m extremely glad however that I’ve only had a few instances with the enemy. (Actually, since this enemy is so good at being a coward, I’m sure I’ve faced them many times. They’re probably like “these dumbasses don’t even know”). Whatever man—like I said, I’m almost out of here. A well-deserved period of time for family and friends is awaiting all of us back home. I just want to know that I made a difference out here, even if it is a small one. These Afghans stress me out… here I am trying to fix your country, your province, your district, your village, your home, you… and you can’t see that. I can only be nice for so long. It’s been all about hearts and minds since Day 1, but these people don’t want us here. It’s something that they’ve had to adapt to; they don’t have the will to change. I guess after ten years, it’s still not meant to be. When are we going to learn?

I feel like I can write a book about this deployment. I feel like I’m just rambling though.

I have so much to look forward to. These next few months are going to be super busy as soon as I get back. I.DO.NOT.CARE. I’m ready. Please Lord, give me the strength to finish strong, stay focused and grounded.

To the rest of ya’ll, God bless and take care.

New Beginnings :)

So, Justine and I are going to have a baby boy!

First of all… Justine and I are absolutely wonderful. Things couldn’t be better, and honestly I really do think this is a great start to new beginnings. A lot has happened these past two weeks and I’m filled with so many feelings that it’s really hard to jot things down at the moment. I’m still in shock when I sit and think about it. I’m extremely happy, yet extremely nervous. I have no idea what to expect because I never thought I’d be in this position this early in my life–same with Justine. I love her very much. A lot of my friends were super shocked. Like, Jay? For real? No… lol. It’s a huge responsibility but I’m ready to tackle it. It is a good thing that I put away a lot of money while I’m here on deployment. I’m starting to think about things that we are going to need that I had never ever thought of before. I bought baby books! Ha… but I want to be as prepared as I can. I know that raising a child is mostly instinct, but to know the basics would be key. (Yes.. he’s going to be a dancer. He’s already started making choreography in Justine’s belly). Deep down I’m freaking out, with a cool outer-core. I just want to be a good father. I’ll keep everyone posted as best I can.

I have like 45 days left here! As if I wasn’t anxious enough to come home, you can imagine how badly I want to be home now! It’s so crazy to think about the time that has passed. Even though I haven’t been home in the states for pretty much all year, I’ve reached some milestones that I’m extremely proud of and happy about. I’m ready to move on with life, move up in my career, and start my amazing family. God has truly blessed me.

Everyone be ready for Caleb Mason De Jesus … coming your way March-ish 2012 I’m stoked!

Two months!

Two months and counting people! Well… two months and a week to be a little bit more accurate. I’m excited to go back home! Things are slowing down out here but I wish time would just go by a little faster. I got promoted about 4 days ago to the rank of Captain. It’s pretty exciting; I can’t believe I’ve reached this milestone in my career. I have so many to reach, but it feels good to reach them one by one. Still staying battle-focused and working day by day to come home safely with all of my Soldiers. I cannot wait to be back in Vegas with Justine and my family and friends, to include Meccamee. I get super anxious every time I think about it. It’s so crazy to think about that I am almost done with this deployment! It’s time to move on with life man.. it really is. I’ve learned a lot, but so super tired of dealing with nonsense out here. It’s time to go son.

In other news, this NBA lockout is seriously killing me. NOT COOL man. IPhone 4S was just announced like 30 minutes ago. Eh… I mean it’s still an upgraded from the 4, but I think everyone was hoping for the “iPhone 5″ even though the name doesn’t mean shit. The iPhone 4S is just another way of apple making even more money when the 5 comes out… with a 9MP camera, instead of an 8MP on the 4S. I’m right though, right? I’m still going to buy the 4S just because I always buy the newest shit–I already know. And then when the 5 comes out, I’ll buy the 5. Whatever man, I’ll probably be buying Apple products until they come out with a teleportation device.

Hope everyone is doing well! Big thanks to everyone who has been supporting me since Day 1. I appreciate it all of the kind words that have been sent my way. God bless and hope to see everyone soon!

Damn, it’s been a while!

It has been a while since I’ve been on wordpress and actually put down some thoughts. I think mostly at the time I want to, I don’t know exactly what to put down. Or… so much has just happened in the past however long and it kind of blows my mind because I feel like I have to put down everything that happens in my life. BUT HEY. I’m actually typing, so all is good!

Life is great–that’s all I can say. Deployment has gone, all in all, pretty well thus far. I have about 2 and a half months away from leaving this place known as Trashcanistan. What an experience it has been, and who knows how much I’ll learn before I leave. I’m just excited to come home and get back into the routine of things. It’s time to move on with my career. This deployment was a huge hill in my future, and now it’s coming gradually to an end. A lot of people can say that they serve their country by joining the military, but even few of those people aren’t really on the front lines. They support the troops on the front lines, which we are thankful for; however, I can only tell you that it’s so much different. I’m satisfied with what I did out here. I made a difference; I know I did. It really is time to move on though. God blessed me with a great group of Soldiers who made up my platoon and I know that they will all do good things in the future. The Army is a small world, so I’m sure I’ll see some of them down the road.

Justine June Abejuela. The love of my life, period. So unexpected, but dude… when you know, you know. Cliche number.. ? I’m sure no one wants to read how much I’m in love with her, so I’ll just tell her. I’m grateful and truly blessed. “… with you we could be the only ones here…”

I’m taking the GRE on October 22nd. Kind of nervous since I have like a little over a month to study but I feel stupid because I have forgotten a lot of high school math and english. Even so, it’s hard to study because of missions every day and every thing else going on around here. Whatever… no excuses. Just do work.

Everyone is moving around this year. I wish I could be home to experience my friends and family. The military life is much harder when you’re deployed–I miss Vegas so much. Meccamee has developed into a bigger army to say the least. I feel like I’m losing touch? I don’t really know how to really word it, but hoping when I come home, Ellis and I can do work with the team the way we used to. That was the plan at least. I just miss the old days. In any case, I wish them the best of luck in everything that they are doing and planning on doing. Stay humble, stay inspired. And to the frustrated–pick your heads up. You are the continuity. Miss you all.

COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS PEOPLE!

Orange Tic Tacs

…are amazing.

It’s on when I go home. Get it right, get it tight.

Double Down on My Daily Prayers

Just got off of mission… about 12:32 am. Not too bad; super wide awake for some reason. Usually by this time, after a long ass mission like today’s, I’m totally destroyed and want to hit the bed asap. I feel like I need to type down some thoughts since it has been a while. I always ask myself, “Should I blog today? …. Nah, I’ll do it later.” Few days, maybe weeks pass and I feel that I’ve missed a due date.

Anyways, I should be home in about 19 days! I’m so freaking excited to go home on leave and catch up with everyone… it’s about damn time. I can’t believe how much time has gone by in the year 2011. I’m sure I’ve missed a lot back home because I feel so stagnant over here on this “battlefield” we call ‘Trashcanistan’. I’m working hard man. The boys in my platoon work their asses off for me, and I couldn’t be more proud of them and the fact that I get to be their leader. I’m sure I have a laundry list of things to do and people to see when I get home, but I just want to enjoy the time around the people I love for I am and have been very lucky to have the opportunity to go home. There have been times where I have had to double down on my daily prayers because of the close calls out here. This is one of those “deep breaths”; on the exhale you think about what you just went through… but I’m half way there. Staying positive, keeping my head up, and driving through.

So there’s this girl. lol. Can I just say that she’s amazing. How did this happen? I have no idea, but for the past few weeks my attitude has exponentially uplifted due to the fact that I have a wonderful, intelligent, and full of humor-type conversation to look forward to every single day. Whatever happens, happens. My Soldiers tell me to stop being all googly-eyed- ha! It’s all good; I like it.

Just keep counting down the days! Hope to see everyone when I come home I hope everyone back home is doing well and is staying safe. I miss all of you very much.

Day 136.

I can’t believe this much time has flown by already. I use the term “flown” loosely. My battery did a change of command about 2 and a half weeks ago; we got a new commander. He’s pretty cool, very laid back compared to our last one. Both have different styles of leadership, but I think myself and the other platoon leader still know how to lead our platoons and get the jobs done.

I got accepted into the Psychological Operations branch of the Army! I put in my packet like two months ago and they accepted me. Although I still have to go to school for it first before I’m actually in the branch, right now they say I now fall under that branch. I’m opting to go to the Military Intelligence Captain’s Career Course after deployment, so I should be at Fort Knox, Kentucky for about 5 more months when we get back from Afghanistan. After that, I should be going to Fort Huachuca, Arizona for 5 months for MICCC and then on to Fort Bragg, North Carolina for about three years for the whole PSYOPS thing. I’m probably speaking gibberish to the non-Army type, but anyway… it’s a huge step in my career and a good beef-up in my resume. I’ve kind of already decided though, that I’m not going to stay in the Army. There’s too many things to do out there in the world; both where I can enjoy what I do, and get that cash money nahmsayin?

I can’t believe how damn hot it is over here. I have the most amazing farmer’s tan ever. Honestly, the heat feels like Vegas heat, but the sun is way more mean over here. The summer needs to pass like… now. Like I said, I can’t wait to go home and party it up. Been talking with the fams at home and we are all getting prepared. My dad will also be home from the Philippines so I get to spend some time with my moms and pops, and sister of course. It’s going to be a great time.

I taught my first dance class out here in Afghanistan-ha! I was teaching other Soldiers on the base. It was fun, yet I need to go a little bit slower than I usually would with other classes that I’ve taught. I taught them one of Meccamee’s old dances, and it was a great feeling getting back into the whole teaching routine. Although it’s not the same, I’ll take what I can get. Everyone here is like, “Hey LT… I heard you got videos on youtube.” Haha….. what are you talking about? Anyways, I think they want me to keep teaching every Sunday. I’m with it. Have to stay active and inspired. This is a way to!

Haha some of my Soldiers heard Miguel’s Sure Thing… and now they just blast it every single day around our rooms. Anyways, I’m out! Hope to see everyone soon!

A Song for Mama

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms! Even though every day should be mother’s day, or father’s day, etc, it’s a good thing that we have one special day for that one person who brought us into this world by birth. I wish I could be with my mom on this day, but I know I will be there soon enough to spend quality time with her. I just wanted to thank her for everything she has done for me, whether I’m home, or in Afghanistan. She has taught me so much. Sometimes she doesn’t even have to say anything. I just take after her actions and understand why she does what she does. If anyone supported me the most, it would be her. I don’t know where I would be without her and her unconditional love.

“You’re the driving force in my life.” I am so grateful for you and I love you so much. Thank you.

Haha.. I’m sorry mom for not hanging up my towel and clothes when I was younger. I always did that, and I know you hated it. Now thanks to you, I’m the neatest freak of them all. I love you.

Easter Post!

Happy Easter everyone! Went to church today–felt really good to renew my baptism vow. I always went to church on Easter Day with the family, but no matter how much I tried not to, I always day dream when I’m in church. Here in Afghanistan, they have catholic mass every Sunday which is pretty cool. No matter what rank, it’s just like going to every other church, as it should be. I’m just saying, going into church with a bunch of Colonel’s and Sergeants Major at first is kind of intimidating just because of the rank structure. But it’s church; it shouldn’t be. The priest, who is also a Soldier, is pretty good with his preaching after the Gospel. He keeps my attention and I learn a lot in that short amount of time. When I’m there, I actually feel some of the stress I deal with here lift off of my shoulders and feel a little bit more refreshed when I get out. People asked me what I gave up for Lent. lmao… I gave up Dr. Pepper. But hey! I did it! and when I got off mission last night, we went to midnight chow and at 12:00 AM I drank one. MAN. Dr. Pepper never tasted so good.

Went to get my weekly haircut and a coffee from the 24 hour coffee shop that’s right next door. They call it the Starbucks of Salerno, which it’s really called Green Beans. It’s not bad. After that, just did a little work at the office–typical Sunday. Oh.. and I just whooped my platoon sergeant at nba2k11. KILT EM.

Weeks are going by pretty fast here. Staying busy is key obviously. Every time I find myself on FaceBook or something, time goes by a little slower because I’m trying to find out what everyone else is up to. Then I’m like, “Damn… I can’t wait to go home.” It’s coming up, though!

I’m super excited though, I should be out of credit card debt next month. lmao–I was so bad for the past couple of years, getting this off my chest will feel so great. I’m also saving $1000 a month until I go home and all that will go towards my car when I go home. It’ll feel good to have no car payment. More investing, and more saving for my future. My reward after deployment is going to be huge though. Haha, I’m already making a checklist of things that I want, without going back into debt obviously.

Anyways, I hope everyone is doing well. Have a blessed day, week, month, year, etc. Keep praying. God is great. Time to get some rest!

OH! And good luck to my team Meccamee at Ultimate Brawl this weekend! You guys are gonna rip! Miss you guys like crazy.

Day 103.

We hit day 100 last week. I wanted to write up a post about the first 100 days I’ve been here. It’s kind of crazy to think I’ve been here for that long already. Time has been flying by for the most part, but it does have its dragging days and weeks. Staying busy has played an important factor for me out here, and I’m happy that I’ve been able to almost every day. Whether it be going on long missions, working on getting my vehicles squared away, or taking care of my Soldiers somehow, it has most definitely made the time breeze by. It’s already April 2011! Mid-April at that. I got my acoustic guitar the other week and I haven’t been able to practice as much as I’ve wanted to, which I already knew was going to happen, but day by day I’m learning new things to play and working on getting the technique. I still wish I had a piano to play instead. I find out in a couple of weeks if I get accepted into the Psychological Operations branch of the Army. They are holding the board next week, and I should find out soon thereafter via email. That’ll be worth a post, so stay tuned for that. If I don’t make it, hey–it’s all good. I can move onto the next best thing. Still have a lot on my plate that I want to accomplish, and a lot that I want to start. It’s hard finding the energy to get into it because I know there is so much more that I should be doing that is related to work. Always on the grind, trying to plan and prepare for the next days’ patrols. With everything that’s going on out here, it’s hard to pinpoint whether or not we’ve actually made an impact over here in Afghanistan. This country is so large and so “messed up” for its size. I can’t believe how corrupt it is here… I always wonder why we are fighting for something that may never be achieved, yet we are still fighting as hard as we can. I know it comes with the job, but the satisfaction with anything comes with the positive progress that results. Sure, my battery alone has cut down attacks to the base by over a large percentage, but they are still attacking. And really, that’s the bottom line up front. I got a message on FaceBook from some random dude who supposedly used to work for the Taliban government. He started saying how Islam was the way to go and that anyone who was against Islam was going to die. Ignorance, man. How do you make these people realize that there are a bunch of religions out there that conflict with each other? Believe in what you want to believe in. But just because someone doesn’t agree with you, doesn’t mean you kill them. I’m sure our country along with other countries have experienced this situation, but damn. Don’t they know that there are more important things to worry about, like the Lakers winning the finals?! I mean, I’m only half joking with my mixed sarcasm/sense of humor but people are just crazy. It’s more frustrating than anything. I don’t think there will be an answer soon. Since there’s been existence, there has been war, or disagreement, or argument. I go on FaceBook, Twitter, and Tumblr, and I see all of the little petty things that people bitch about, and I just laugh about the how small stuff is that people worry about. But what do I do? I feed into it and join in because it’s part of the socializing norm. You try to relate stuff to others who might know how you feel. If everyone had to serve in my position, it would be a rewarding experience on an individual level at the least. They would be able to see a fourth world country fighting corruption at its best–it’s horrible. I give mad props to all of the service members who have served two, three, four, even five deployments. I’m finding it mentally challenging to complete this one. I told all of my friends that yeah, I was nervous but ready to come here, which was totally true. I think I’m doing what I came here to do, and I will keep doing it until I go home. The big overall picture or mission… it’s like giving you a 1,000,000-piece puzzle that you have to complete with a blindfold. Sooner or later there will be an answer, but it’s going to take such a long time to put things into place. We’ve already spent so much of the taxpayer’s money on this war. And then come the politics… I’m over it.

Lakers pissed me off today. But I like that I have a different topic such as basketball to lean on out here because it gets my mind off the present situation. There is a 5 on 5 basketball tournament on Sunday that I might take part in. People keep asking me to play so hopefully I have a free day that day to play a little. In other notes, I miss home. I miss my family and friends. I miss dancing and being with Meccamee. I know I’ll see them soon. Even before I commissioned as an officer in the Army, I always questioned whether I wanted to stay in the National Guard and stay close to home, or go Active Duty and do work; experience the outside and grow up on my own. I’ve experienced a lot on my own already, but still to this day, I would rather be on my own back home. A little over two months from now I’ll be back home for a bit, and I’m going to make the most of it.

In any case, like it has always been said, “Stay positive.” It’s hard, but that’s the only way people get through tough times. I’m doing my best to make the time I have here worth every single moment. If you’re reading this, send me snacks! I don’t care what it is, haha, but it feels good to get mail nonetheless. If you need the address, hit me up on FaceBook or jayyarea@gmail.com.

Everyone stay safe.